Wanted: Dog Harnesses

Today began at 4:45 p.m..  Dogs barking and bags dropping; these are things that signal me back to conciousness.  When I walk up for a simple hug it’s incredibly refreshing to get a grasp that demands you to know that your presence has been strongly desired for many hours.  I know I am the luckiest to have a wife that loves me and encourages me to do better than I did the day before.  Sometimes I wonder if I am providing the same encouragement that I am given.  I know that’s not what it’s about but Rachel is such an incredible photographer and her buisness is really showing potential.  I need to tell her that more…   Marriage: To live forever with the one person in the world you can’t go a day without.  To need to be part of their life and view their life from beginning to end because you need to know what happens.    I’m so glad i’m married to my bestfriend.

riceboy sleeps

if you fancy really slow music and/or great artwork you should check out riceboy sleeps.

my “header”  is part of one of their pieces.

visit  myspace.com/riceboysleeps

things i’ve looked forward to

I have finally let go of worrying about death.  As a Christian I should have had mental domininon over death years ago but I could never seem to quit worrying about it.  What’s funny is that if I were to die now I would have more to lose than I ever have.  Sometimes it takes a simple car ride with your close friends to realize that there really isn’t any use in holding onto this world.  Please don’t think I am trying to escape something because I am quite happy.  I am married and wildly in love with the one person in this world who understands me completely, I am playing in a band again, and I finally have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.  This view still leaves me in a place where I have full accountibility for my actions and hard times are hard times and beautiful times are beautiful times.  I’m no longer waiting to read the right thing to make it easier for me to believe.  I am no longer in fear of what might happen to me.  This is freedom.

after the fall there is only more falling

Slow silence; please keep my whispers still.  Caught in the thickness they abandon anything beyond a thought.  It’s time to listen.  To hear the meadows that pour from others’ throats.  What’s spoken leaves me staring at my open grave wishing I had something to offer before I fall in.

consistency

in a fear that i might fold  i look for your steady hold.

i hope you will forget the things i still lack

please.

he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

when people are christians they are held to a higher standard.  i firmly believe they should be.  even when i wasn’t a christian i was disgusted by people who said they believed the bible to be true and completely lived like they didn’t even believe that it is more than a fairy tale.  the problem was that i couldn’t  remove the log from my eye to see what i was doing.  i’ve made coarse jokes, been publicly drunk, mocked God, and other horrible things while openly claiming to be a Christian.  this is all quite laughable to anyone with a mind.  i was one of the people that led nietzche to say, “god is dead.”   what else can one think when they look around and the only people claiming to believe in God and claim that He wants us to love in a particular way are people who are looking to obtain certain prizes here on earth or in heaven?   authenticity is the key.  it’s the only way to ever be at peace with yourself or God and it’s the only way you could ever be taken seriously.  i have felt nervous and out of place for so long and i now realize i will always feel that way if i’m not being authentic.

marriage

Reaching for you, my undeniable, i learn what it means for two to become one.   Just as an individual can sometimes feel divided, scared, and have warring volitions, we can aswell.  Our beautiful advantage is that we can encourage eachother for we are one.

a hope with faith fueled by love

sometimes the uncertainties of life bring me to a place of happiness.  not a happiness driven by an appetitive and pleasure seeking motive…a happiness that comes from a submission of knowledge to the one who is knowledge.  to be in a place where the fact that you know that you don’t know brings a new understanding to the cosmic order.  some say that people who believe in a god are self centered to think that something created all of this for us.  i think people who hold that idea are at the very least misunderstanding Christianity.  Christianity brings people to a place where they are nothing apart from Christ.  i agree that puts us in some sort of plan with the “Almighty” but the entire creation is involved in that plan.  we are called to be humble and loving.  it also seems that if Christianity was made up by the minds of men then heaven would be a little more appealing to the worldly man.  instead we are told that we get to praise God for eternity.  it would make more sense if we were told that if we inherit the “prize” we would have alcohol, endless sex, and self praising.   all of these odd thoughts are just a preview of what goes through my head when i look to the sky and realize how small i am…

valentiMeS

i’m so ready for this weekend!  i have saturday off and that means i get the whole day to show my favorite how special she is.  in the past i have been grossed out about this holiday.   last year i bought rachel this hilarious pink wife beater that had dale earnhart on the front.  it made me smile.  this year it seems more serious…it just seems like a golden excuse to spend too much money on dinner and actually feel great after the check comes.